If you receive the Reading Assignment (email or web feed) you will probably be receiving an update that reactivates many of the articles which you have previously read.

The reason that this will probably occur is that I am removing one author's material from the Reading Assignment feed. I do not know whether all of the other feed items will be affected or not, but I am pretty certain that some will be.

Successful Inventors are not afraid of mistakes. In fact, failure early in the invention process, frequently produces a more efficient final product. One of the reasons that the Soviet Union had difficulty competing technologically with the USA was that the Soviet Union's culture resisted the admitting of mistakes and therefore failed to reap the benefits which come from the debriefing of earlier efforts. The Harrison Ford and Liam Neeson film "K-19: The Widowmaker" illustrates this flaw in the culture of technology development.

In the USA, the "Never Let Them See You Sweat" mentality leads to this same type of immaturity. In some business environments, like animals who hunt in packs or like herds that are ruled by a dominant male, those people who seek advancement through the exploitation of the weaknesses of others are rewarded while those who seek to serve the best interests of all are seen as weaklings and losers. While this type of mentality can in the short-term produce dominance (even as it did in both Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union), it results in a culture that is built on distrust and paranoia and such a culture is ultimately self-destructive. "Those who live by the sword, shall die by the sword."

One of the keys to effective self-development is the ability to recognize one's own shortcomings and the willingness to be incorrect. In my experience in teaching classes, I have discovered that classes comprised of adults frequently suffer from a learning obstacle which does not occur as frequently in children between the ages of eight through thirteen. Adults are more likely to be scared to be seen as either ignorant or incorrect. This learning obstacle manifests itself in several ways.

There are some adults who will think that they know the answer to a question, but will not speak up for fear that they will be told that their answer is incorrect. There are other adults who will become angry with a teacher because of the frequency with which their answers are shown to be incorrect. There are adults who will lobby to have the subject matter which is being taught altered because they are unfamiliar with the topic being discussed and are therefore unable to show by their answers a knowledge of the topic. Younger school-age children are less embarrassed by this necessary part of the learning process.

An unwillingness to be seen as ignorant is frequently an obstacle to learning. But a willingness to purge one's mind of past acquired knowledge and start over in the learning process, frequently leads to more efficient learning and a deeper comprehension of the subject matter.

Terry Paulsen had a conversation with one of the executives of Uline about the corporate culture and the training of interns and afterwards wrote an article entitled: "Maturity Comes from Handling Mistakes."

Rosa Say is publishing articles by a variety of authors on the subject of life-long learning throughout the month of September 2006. I recommend the reading of these articles.

The end of the week Self Assessment when practiced without fear of humiliation and with complete self-honesty is one of the greatest tools for personal development. Just as a team of creative designers may become more efficient through reaping the benefits of project debriefing sessions, so you can discover more effective ways to grow by learning from your past mistakes.

I do not like blogrolls.

( Wow! What a negative way to start an article. <laughing> )

Instead of a blogroll, I provide in the left column of this blog, a feature which I call a Reading Assignment. It provides a link to specific articles which I recommend. If the reader decides to read other articles on the targeted blog, that is great. But they also know the specific article which I was recommending.

Cohesive Integrity emphasizes being an authentic person. Authenticity means that you are not attempting to behave in a different way than the person you really are. You are not being hypocritical.

True Generosity springs forth from a generous spirit. My friend, Rosa Say, wrote several articles awhile back concerning Generosity. I wanted to add these articles to the Reading Assignment (alias: Not a Blogroll). However, there is not a single location in which all seven of her articles are listed as an index.

Therefore, (drum roll, please), this blog entry will serve as a gateway (a meta-link) to Rosa's seven articles on Generosity.

The Generosity of Silence
The Generosity of Laughter
The Generosity of Listening
The Generosity of Delegation
The Generosity of Mission-Driven Publishing
The Generosity of the Huddle
The Generosity of a Specific Blogger

I recommend that you read all seven.

Oh and if you have not subscribed to the Reading Assignment, here is the RSS feed for it. (If you would like to receive the Reading Assignment by email, drop me a line and I will set that option up. Write to james at cohesiveintegrity dot com.

Today, I would like to introduce a new blog from a friend of mine named Muriel Moton. Muriel is a seminar speaker located about an hour south of Atlanta. She specializes in the potential of the individual. It is Muriel's view that many people devalue both their own value and the values of their fellow human being and thereby prevent themselves from ever acheiving their full potential and deny opportunities to others as well.

Here is a quotation from her online profile: "I truly believe that understanding human value is the missing foundation that’s needed to eliminate ills of societies."

Her first post on her new blog "Keys of Wisdom" is on the Key Factors necesssary to make the Best Decisions for yourself in your life.

Technorati Tags: life changes, decision making, life purpose,

In my discussions with clients, I discuss the difference between Experiential fact and Objective fact. I also discuss that many times, something is neither purely experiential or purely objective.

Lisa Haneberg posted an article in which she discusses her weight and how her weight affects her life.

Lisa's situation is a perfect illustration of something which is not purely experiential or purely objective.

Her situation is caused in part by her scripting. Scripting is experiential, it is not objective. Lisa says:

(T)he greatest barriers that a fat person faces is judgments and assumptions he or she makes about his or herself.

Like many things in life, I think our self-perceptions become our greatest barriers to optimal success.

{snip}

Doesn't the mental garbage that comes with being fat get in the way? Please don't tell me there is not mental garbage – I would challenge ANYONE who says they have no mental garbage.

{snip}

... I would venture to guess that most neuroses don't come close to the almost always-on mental garbage that comes with being fat. It comes up in so many ways and times. Yes, this is self-inflicted crud, but it is also normal and human because no matter how much we say we don't, we do care. We care what people think and we care about how we look. And we care about the people who are sitting next to us on a plane. And we care about the amount of space we take up in a restaurant booth. And we care about whether we look professional and how well we represent our companies. And we care about how we feel and we care about our loved ones. And we care about whether our coworkers have to walk at a slower pace when walking with us to get a bite for lunch. And we care about whether meeting room chairs will accommodate us. And we care about whether we can participate in fun company functions. And we can about so many little things that fit people do not think about.

Everything that Lisa describes in the above extract is experiential. It is a result of what she refers to as mental garbage.

But later in the article, she tells us about something which is not mental but rather objective.

During the imaging of my neck arteries, the technician picked up that my thyroid is enlarged. My doctor confirmed that I have a thyroid nodule and now I am undergoing tests.

Now it may sound to you, if you do not know Lisa, that her problem is that she is not "positive" enough. Actually you would probably be wrong. Although I can not read Lisa's mind and can not therefore speak with first-hand expertise of what goes on minute by minute in her mind, the fact is that she is known as being a very successful person whose leadership and accomplishments raise her above the mediocre crowd.

So what do we have going on here?

The PMA crowd will convince you to create mental denial. You will hear dangerous advice like "Fake it, till you make it" and "To be enthusiastic, you have to act enthusiastic." All of that is a recipe for what Anna Freud and Elisabeth Kubler-Ross called "Denial."

My coined phrase for discussing denial is: "When desires are allowed to drive convictions, your pathway leads towards Denial."

Your attitude can have a very strong affect upon your experiential life. It can have a limited affect upon those areas of your life in which objective fact and experiential fact share with one another. But it can have no affect upon that which is purely objective.

Not only do we need the courage and positive attitude to change what we can change, but we also need to have the serenity to accept what we can not change and the wisdom to know the difference.

Healthy self-assessment includes both a willingness to examine past failures and a belief that self improvement is possible. It also includes an ability to assess the difference between what can be changed and what cannot be changed.

For example, science has discovered that effective long-term weight loss requires some counter-intuitive measures. When the body loses weight rapidly, there are biological defense mechanisms which start functioning inside the body. In order to work around these mechanisms, effective weight loss requires a very slow (and counter-intuitive) strategy which includes some of the very foods that contribute to weight gain.

Because of these defense mechanisms, one must continue to experience the external stimuli which is discussed by Lisa such as "...what people think and ... how we look" and "the amount of space we take up" and "whether we look professional and how well we represent our companies" and "whether our coworkers have to walk at a slower pace when walking with us" and "whether meeting room chairs will accommodate us" and "whether we can participate in fun company functions."

We can not prevent these types of events occurring but we can choose how we "experience" external stimuli.

I like to ask my clients "what is a beautiful day?". Is a rainy day, beautiful? Is a sunny day, beautiful? Is a stormy day, beautiful? Rainy, Stormy and Sunny are external stimuli. But how we choose to experience these stimuli is what defines our own personal definition of a beautiful day.

So it is also with the "feedback" that someone gets from others during the time they are slowly engaging in self-improvement. Most people desire other people's recognition of their progress. But many times that recognition does not occur for a long time. Other people may expect you to revert. Other people may not see the amount of progress that you have already made. And there will almost always be some people who will be opposed to the objective and vision which you possess.

You must learn to treat social feedback the way every U.S. President has had to treat the criticisms of those who are opposed to his political vision. Whether Democrat or Republican, whether pacifist or aggressor, whether progressive or conservative, all Presidents have had to learn to choose how they will internally experience the criticisms of their opponents.

Fervency and Zeal are good things when they result from good things, but when they result from negative things, Fervency and Zeal make things worse.

Passion may be the child of Ignorance.

If passion is a sign of bigotry or prejudice, then Passion is actually a defense mechanism. It disguises a disconnect or a rationalization (dissonance). Passion may disguise this disconnect so well that the passionate person appears to be a person of character and strength. But in reality, this passion is a sign of a character flaw and a moral weaakness.

If on the other hand, passion is due to being fully aware of the advantages and disadvantages of both positions or choices, then it may allow the one who has taken a position to weather the criticisms of those who oppose.

The comfort zone is one of the main reasons for misdirected fervency. Passion in defense of the comfort zone is a sure sign that there is a weakness in the personal development of the defender.

I am going to use this posting to suggest a theory. I am not certain of the validity of this theory, so I am looking for feedback.

Consider those small-minded people who like to combine the word "all" with a stereotype, does their worldview and their "comfort zone" cause them to desire the very thing that they despise?

Consider the stereotype that begins "All politicians are ....." Do the people who say such things tend to vote only for those politicians who fit their closedminded mindset? For example, if the congressional representative is a certain district, does not vote for pork barrel legislation which would have benefited his state, how does the small-minded person respond?

Consider the stereotype that begins "All used car salespeople are ....." Do the people who say such things tend to patronize only those dealerships who fit their closedminded mindset? For example, if a dealership has a business model that prices its cars a little higher than the sleazy dealerships, but they consistently stand behind the vehicles they sell, how does the small-minded person respond?

Consider the stereotype that begins "All lawyers are ....." When people who say such things seek an attorney, do they look for an attorney with a reputation for integrity or for one who has the reputation of using every trick in the book?

Are not racists and cultural bigots more uncomfortable when they observe the behavior of someone whose example is unimpeachable? Do not the small-minded people try harder to ferret out a fault if a person's reputation is good as compared with someone who has a reputation for fulfilling a stereotype?

My theory is that small-minded people are made uncomfortable by that which they can not despise, therefore they DESIRE that which they claim to despise so that they can feel justified within their comfort zone.

Is my theory correct? Your comments would be greatly appreciated.

In working and relating to other people, a person of integrity will have to know how to make judgements with integrity.

There are people who teach that we should not judge anything about anyone. Yet the people who make such statements are themselves judgemental of those who exercise judgement. One of the TV networks ran a series of PSA spots featuring Actors who told people that no one should judge. However, notice every election cycle who it is that makes judgemental statements about the political candidates which they disapprove.

It is perfectly appropriate to say that a person should not use a criteria for condemning another if that same criteria applied to himself would also condemn him. It is also appropriate to say that you should not make judgements based solely on surface appearances.

A few months ago, Skip Angel wrote an article on the Ladder of Inference. This article showed how people use assumptions and ignorance to make evaluations of another person.

One area in which people exercise unfair judgement is in evaluating both motivation and intent. In order to establish a just evaluation of the motives or intents of another person you need many examples of that person's behavior which are truly relevant to the incident which is being evaluated.

After Vice-President Dick Cheney's accidental shooting of Harry Whittington, there was a lot of good-natured ribbing that was piled upon him. But every so often, a comment would be made that showed that some people were quick to judge Cheney's motives and intents. For example, Seth Godin accused Cheney of being too glib with his apology and likened it to Customer Service department recordings which use the vacuous phrase "Your Call is very important to us."

The fact is that neither I nor Seth Godin are in a proper position to evaluate the sincereity of Dick Cheney's display of remorse. Does he truly feel remorse? I do not know. Yet I believe that only the sanctimonious would assume that he does not.

If on the other hand, Dick Cheney's behavior towards Mr. Whittington in the days after the shooting and after the TV interview had on multiple occasions demonstrated hostility or cold indifference, then his conduct would have allowed for a fair assessment of Vice-President Cheney's attitude.

Another way in which people make judgements which are not based in integrity is that they make a prejudicial evaluation of another person and then watch for incidents which they feel corroborate their previous decision. There are many historical examples of Racists whose accumulation of anecdotal evidence never included examples of heroism, self-sacrifice and integrity, but only those anecdotes which suited their agenda driven presuppositions.

I have noticed a similar agenda driven attitude occurring among many politically active people concerning those of the opposite party. Yet many times, if they were evaluated by the same criteria by which they evaluate those whom they prejudicially view as scoundrels, they also would be found wanting.

It is important to exercise judgement with integrity. If the other person has a hardened Win-Lose attitude, you can not negotiate a win-win solution. This was one of the mistakes that Neville Chamberlain made in his efforts to negotiate with Adolph Hitler.

Yet it is just as much a mistake to assume that if a person begins negotiations with a Win-Lose attitude that they have a stubborn attitude. History also gives us examples of people who started off as adversaries but enjoyed a long and enduring relationship because they both avoided assuming that the other person was intransigent.

Have you ever had someone assume the worst regarding your motives or intents at a time when your motives were pure? What criteria should the other person have used in evaluating either your behavior or the things which you said?

The person who seeks to develop cohesive integrity will take the times in his life in which he was unfairly judged and view those times as beneficial to his own learning with regards to how he evaluates others.

The Desire to acquire and the Fear of losing what is possessed is one of the greatest causes of unhappiness in the human experience.

Before I get into the main point of my article - I would like to deal with those who say "That's easy for you to say." Well, I am not "living the American dream."

By American financial standards, I would probably be classified as either lower middle class or upper lower class. I have never owned a piece of land. The most valuable thing that I own in financial terms is a 1999 Ford Taurus with over 114,000 miles on it. The computer that I am using is six years old, was a gift and was the lowest configuration of RAM and HD size in its line at the time of purchase.

But I realize that compared to most people in the world that I am wealthy. It would be nice to own more but I have a roof over my head, food to eat, clothes to wear and a car that runs.

It does not bother me that I do not own a big screen TV or that I do not have HDTV. It does not bother me that I do not get HBO or Cinemax and the suchlike. (Actually, I would like to get the Biography channel, the History channel, the Discovery channel and TLC - but I don't need them to be happy.)

I don't have an ipod or a playstation or a gameboy. I don't have a cell phone or a pager.

All of these things would be nice to have, but it does not cause me to fret or be sad that I do not own them.

There is a segment of the American society which is focused on creating discontentment. They try to convince you that you need to measure your level of contentment based upon whether or not you are living as well financially as everyone around you.

I have three sisters. Their families all own the houses that they live in. My brother is a medical doctor. I do not know what his financial status is, but I am certain that he has had more financial opportunities than I have ever had. I do not envy any of my siblings nor do I covet their possessions. Nor do I feel that life has been unfair to me, nor am I made unhappy by their successes.

Happiness does not come from acquiring more possessions nor does it come from losing possessions.

When you live in such a way as to be consistent with your convictions, with that which is important to you, with your relationships, with your ability to be trusted, when you strive to fulfill your priorities - you can find internal cohesion.

I am not claiming that you or I will ever achieve complete contentment or complete integrity - but I do believe that the "pursuit of happiness" is not the pursuit of acquisition but rather the pursuit of character.

Actually pursuing character is just as frustrating (if not more frustrating) that pursuing acquisition. No human is more aware of my internal flaws than I am. No human is more aware of those times that I have for the moment "failed" in being consistent. But in knowing that the past is indeed past and that each day brings new opportunity and that the future holds great potentialities - a person can "let go" of the past and focus on today's pursuit of character.

In like manner, from time to time, I experience a period of time of success in my pursuit of internal cohesion. When those periods of times occur, it is tempting to award myself a mental certificate of achievement. But that is just as foolish as wallowing in melancholy over times of failure. If a professional sports team won a single game and behaved from then on as if they had fulfilled their purpose in life, they would be a laughingstock. Even winning two consecutive annual championships is not sufficient for a sports team. (The Chicago Cubs won the 1907 and 1908 World Series.)

Periods of Time of Success in the pursuit of Character are enjoyed as they are experienced - but each hour and each minute is a new challenge and it is in the living of the moment within your integrity that you find life to be sweet.

Another problem that people must deal with in pursuing Character is expecting more of yourself than you currently should. "Perfectionism" is a snare of unhappiness. The development of character is a gradual process. Just as a first grader would not be made unhappy because of an inability to perform Calculus or Topology equations, so you and I should not demand perfect cohesion of ourselves.

For those who read this, who are religious: Nothing in this article (or in any article in this blog) should be read as if the writer were denying that every human is in need of Grace.

I have more Computer files than I have space on both my hard drives. So I burn CDs. (Have not invested in a DVD burner.) When I need material that is on a CD, I temporarily add that CD to my system.

Your brain can only retain a finite amount of material in your memory. Although there are ways to expand your memory and although there are techniques for memorizing a great deal of information, eventually, your brain needs some assistance. This is the reason that people write things down. Writing something down allows you to access the material later while frreing your brain's memory capacity for more immediate needs.

Could you start exactly one year ago from this day and recite to me from memory at least one event from every day in the last twelve months without missing a single day? Could you list, from memory, one important lesson which you learned each week for the last 52 weeks without missing a single week?

In order to preserve what you have learned as you develop, it is a very good idea to keep a journal. The purpose of a journal is different from the purpose of a diary. Diaries are usually used as a "confidant." A journal is used by the person seeking self-development both as a tool of accountability and as a tool for retaining what has been learned.

A journal should be kept private. Although a journal is not for the same purpose as a diary, they both can be misunderstood if read by someone who does not share the same paradigms and convictions which you share. I once read a biography of John Adams which attempted to conduct a psychoanalysis based upon Adams' journals. The biographer's assessment of John Adams was very negative because his view of these journals did not allow for the amount of wrestling with self that is required for personal change. Because Adams engaged in recording his efforts to hold himself accountable and yet did not make easy and rapid progress but found himself frequently struggling with the same issues, the biographer seemed to view the journals as the shallow self-indulgence of a puritanical hypocrite.

In point of fact, Adams is a great example of a person who was constantly struggling to be true to his beliefs and values. I do not agree with all of Adam's beliefs and values and Adams, himself, would be first to state that he was not always successful in his efforts to be true, but he was constantly striving to be true to his beliefs and values.

On the other hand, in spite of his brilliance and of his great achievements, Thomas Jefferson, is an example of a man who tried to spend his life coping with internal dissonance.

What should you record in your journal? Well I have already alluded to keeping track of lessons that you have learned and to holding yourself accountable, but you should also keep track of character milestones that you have reached and things which positively reinforce your effort. For example, Rosa Say recommends keeping track of things for which you are grateful.

Sometimes if we start to feel "blue" we need to review those things which help us to be re-encouraged, but other times we may begin to border on egomania - and we need to good healthy dose of "getting a reality check." A journal can help you maintain an even keel and help you to make course corrections to pursue your personal ideal of who you want to be.

I would love to hear from you regarding things which if recorded in a journal are beneficial for personal development, internal cohesion and integrity of character.